Second guessing

I sent Will back to school today, even though I am not 100% sure if it was the right thing to do. He's missed four days with his stomach pains and having his scope done yesterday.

With this swine flu lurking in every crevice of every desk and every corner at school (at least that's the way I feel) - David and I had almost made up our minds to take him out of kindergarten and let him start again next year. After all - it's just kindergarten right? And he's a young kindergartener, at that.

With the decision to take him out of kindergarten and restart him next year - we had rationed in our minds that he would have a better chance of getting into Ben's school if he were older. The G/T testing would be easier for him to understand because he would be older. And that's important to us. We LOVE Ben's school and we want all 3 of our kids in the school.

On the other side of it: with his Reactive Airwary Disease - the flu, especially the H1N1 strain could possibly be more difficult for him. The good news is - the doctors feel he could be outgrowing his RAD. But with this pig flu - it could flare up again (darn pigs!). We have dealt with the RAD since he was 6 months old when he got RSV (Respiratory virus). RSV changes the shape and the function of the lungs and makes kids more susceptible to RAD. Thus - why he has it. At 6 years old - the doctors will either say "he's outgrown RAD and he will continue to outgrow it" or "he has life-long asthma." We were praying and hoping for the latter of the two. And we are almost there - it's just around the corner. That's why this strain of H1N1 scares the daylights out of us.

Yesterday - his pulmonologist's office called me to tell me that the cultures back from his nose that they took last week - it's Streptococcus Pneumoniae. Not anything to worry about now - he's on an antibiotic to take care of it. While I had her on the phone - I asked her opinion about my decision to take him out of kindergarten. She suggested I not do it. She said "this strain of H1N1 isn't as bad as the normal seasonal flu - if it's treated properly. She assured me that as soon as he got a fever or any symptoms of the flu, I should immediately call them and they would prescribe him tamiflu. Even if he tested negative for the flu - he would still get the medication. She said getting the tamiflu in the very beginning is what makes the difference and whether or not the virus spreads throughout his body and therfore causes more problems." So with that information, reluctantly, I sent him back to school today. I'm not sure if it's the right decision - and even as I type this, I'm still having doubts.

The news media is all over this - they are loving this story. I just wish they wouldn't try to freak people out with their 'big win.' Hearing that children are dying from this with underlying medical issues - some like his - keeps me afraid. Afterall it's my job, as his mother, to protect him. Am I protecting him by sending him back into the warzone where the kids are "dropping like flies" with this stinkin virus?

I have a conference with his teacher today to talk to her about his progress. If she tells me that he's immature and he could benefit from being held back - then I will pull him out and we will wait until next year to start him. Now if she tells me - academically he's doing well and she thinks he'll be ok. I'm not sure what I'll do - because I think down deep I'm hoping she tells me that he should be held back.

Everyone always says - go with your gut, go with your mommy instincts. I feel like my mommy instincts are telling me to keep him out, then I start second guessing them.

Hopefully his teacher will make this decision for me. In the meantime - I think I will stop watching the news. Those media people are nuts.