My Nanny ...

I've recently found out that my Nanny (my dad's mother) is very sick. She has pancreatic cancer and a collapsed lung. There are still tests out to determine what caused the collapsed lung (cancer or the fluid they drained from her lung).

I am so overwhelming sad. She is 95 years old and I know that we can't live forever. But I am just so sad b/c I haven't been the greatest granddaughter to her. In the last 10 years (since I got my own famiy) - I haven't visited her much and I am really sad about that. Everytime I saw her I would tell her how much I missed her and would always say "I will come visit more." She would hug and kiss me and tell me to come back soon. I knew she meant it, but I was giving promises I wanted to keep - but never did.

My heart breaks now - that the end is near for her and I haven't been as great to her as I feel I should be and as she was to me. Several years ago, she had a stroke and has been unable to talk clearly. It's very difficult to understand her and then she gets frustrated and it breaks my heart. That's the reason I have stayed away in the last few years. I feel so guilty for not being able to understand her. When really, I just should of gone and just sat w/her.

She has always been the greatest Nanny. I have the greatest memories of her and all she did for me. She was so kind and loving. I wish I would of given that to her in return.

I pray she lives longer - that this isn't the end for her. I pray peace and comfort for her and for her to know how much I truly love her.

This photo was taken at my wedding, January 11, 2003.